Am I back? Or is this born out of boredom?

 How does one go about with restarting a love/a hobby/a passion?

I used to LOVE coming here with a jumble of excited ideas and thought-trains all clashing into one another, impatient to just get out and get typed out.

Somewhere along the way, when I moved out of my hometown, I started losing the habit. 

It kept dying with every other week and month.

But eventually it was my PhD that killed it for sure.

Academic writing dulled my wit and humor and overall love of composing notes and blogging.

Every two years I had resolve that yes, I'm going to write. I'm not going to surrender my joys and interests for my academic degree. Unfortunately that was about it. I'd made a comeback post resolving with renewed determination and grit, and then I had be back to square one. 

The obsession with social media meant I wasted every free moment looking at content instead of creating my own stories or poems or anything/

I came to the sad conclusion that I would only be able to regain my own life once my PhD was over. And now it is over and I'm confused and getting cold feet. I couldnt help wondering -

- What if I've probably lost my own style of writing after so many years of disuse? What if I'm no longer good at writing. What if even if i do manage to write one good post, I'd still be undisciplined and not write frequently enough to keep the passion alive? What do I write about? 

and on and on and on my head goes.

Anyway, if you like stream of consciousness, anxiety-infused irregular blog posts, maybe stay?

I'll share all about the niche things/situations I love, and you could read and tell me how I can dust off my dormant writing skills and get better.

Lyrical videos!! (and then I meander into covers territory)

Aw man,
I've been wanting to talk about them since ages. Ages! I mean, c'mon, what's not to like?

More and more artistes are turning to releasing lyrical videos initially and building the hype up thusly, getting viewers wanting more- and bam! comes the real deal. Only, for me, I'm more vested in the lyrical video than the actual music video of songs.

Usually you get so caught up in the video, that you wholly or at least partially get distracted from the music.Seriously, check out most of the m/vs. They spend like pots of gold and churn out the flashiest scenes for the single. Result? Humungous dollops of eye candy (which is always nice!), but makes the music secondary.

Take "Payphone" for example. It's so frikkin' movie-like, that I didn't notice the music,

UNTIL Julia Sheer came up with the loveliest cover of the single. Then I was hooked on to both the cover AND the original for life. Luff.

WHICH is why "Someone Like You" is awesome. Also "Rolling in the Deep". Ok, both are different in tone, but BOTH focus on the singer and the music. (And duh, I'm an Adele fan, which probably became obvious with this one sentence).

Y'anyways, I'll try to stop the veering off the topic, and steer us back in. Lyrical videos. As in, the whole lyrics of the single showing up all over the video instead of sexy, almost-naked ladies and just as nonsensical stuff. So awesome! I mean, this is how music videos should have been since the beginning. Yeah, I know how most videos have chyrons and important words from the lyrics showing up anyway. But lyrical videos are a different planet. Just love! Here are three of the lyrical videos I loved. This one was the first lyrical video I noticed as such. Which isn't ancient and is kinda very recent, in fact.

Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" lyrical video was adorable. For me anyway. I cherished it even more when I realised what crap the real music video was. Duh. Katy Perry, are you pretending to be a witch in that video? Is that a reference to Omen I see in it in between? Is that the Cheshire Cat? Have I gone mad? Way too many questions and swear words rushing all at once within my head. Not good.

Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years": That song was so sweet. Saccharine. I just wish it weren't linked up with THAT dreck movie. If you know what I mean. And then last week or so I met Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together". And again, it was the lyrical video that won me over, more than Taylor in a platinum ponytail and is that a 60s era scene you guys are grooving to?

OoooooooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOooh, we called it off again last night, But OoooOOOOOOOooooh! I LOVE that Oooooh part SO much!

The long-overdue post. The brace-yourselves-for-the-next post

Anyaseyo all! (that's hello in Korean, duh. I just wanted to start off on a random and different note)

So! A post has been overdue and I've been frikkin' busy what with having the unique luck of being assigned to two departments in the same month. Which means, I'm working ALL the time since I gotta do the stuff in THIS department, and by the time I'm tired, it's lunch and post-lunch, work for the next department. Yay, life can be exhausting AND fun all at once. So obviously I like it when I'm working, ergo-no complaints. BUT! that also by default means that NO SLACK TIME for poor me. Draw in a sad face of me while you're at it.

Mostly, this post is a filler and to brace you for the next post, which is NOT gonna be an easy read. Why? I'm usually a happy-go-lucky person, never badmouths even the meanest kid 'round the block and generally my posts resonate with the wonderful things I'm going through. You can ignore the "bad day" posts of mine since they're rare and sad. Anyway, the next post is like- whaddayacallems?- urban poetry?
No rhyme to the poem, but lotsa reason.

It's about one of the only two persons I hate loathe on this world. That's intense and I didn't really want to blog about the way I'm feeling (nay,repressing) about the darkness emanated by said person. But then I realized, dayum, if I don't vent about it, I might die suffocated by all the bad thoughts and it's always better to share everything here. Where else could I do that?

To quote a drama,

"Share if it's good news, so that the happiness multiplies.
Share if it's bad news, so that the hurt/pain can be halved/lessened."

True that!


EDIT- I decided after posting this and ruminating quite a bit, that hating on someone no matter how hateful, just brings me down to their level. Not very helpful. So cheer me on about my new decision to just post the next post and I'mma try to get over the bad feelings and stay neutral (like my darling Riff told me to, yday) regarding everything hateful. Not gonna exert myself over something awful anymore people!

This one goes out to you. And you. And her. And him.

This one's for those friends of mine,

rare finds
who stand out in any crowd.
The ones who've stood up for me,
Held me when I cried,
Hugged me while I died inside.


Made my day 
when it was otherwise so mundane.
Loved me and reminded me
of all the awesomeness I'd forgotten about me.


Yeah,
This post is for those amazing friends
who made my day, week, month and the year.
And off we start 2012.
Belated happy new year fellow-wookies!

Because I love you,

And will stay so,

Things are easy.

Questions are answered to,

Problems solved.

Because I am so,

and can't be helped otherwise,

I'd rather the world understand.

Let me be,

Let me rise.

And now that I know you're hurt the same,

Please don't protest, deny or blame.

Good feelings grow,

They will finally show-

The world's not such a bad place afterall.

Life's worth living,

Hugs happily shared

and smiles easily passed on.

So we'll hold hands,

Roll the roads and rivers

that keep us apart

into nothingness;

and I'll hold your hand tighter-

'cos friends like you

are godsends,

one of a kind,

and were custom-made for me!

Be sad and rich or be happy and footloose?

The things people do and seek out, try out.. all the sake for that very elusive drug called happiness. Really, in the end, when you're asked, "why do you study?"
-"to get a job."
"why do you need a job?"
-"to earn money and fend for myself, stand up on my own feet."
"and after that, what?"

Well what follows is that either you haven't planned that far out into the future, and you're not that into philosophy and the baggage it comes with.

I was just doing a bit of introspection [which really means lotsa thinking when you're bored with nothing better to do, really!] and how I'm faring- now that I'm settled down as a trainee/intern/whateveryouwannacallem- and very happy too-- but with the meagre stipend only. And since I'm lucky enough not to be worried about matters of more gravity like having to substantially provide for family etc, I have the freedom to live off on my own.

And I wondered.

If I were offered a well-paid job as guest lecturer at my former college under that very scary boss. Would I pick that up stat? Or would I rather live light-hearted on a measly stipend off on my own?

Funnily enough, as much as I'd like all the extra moolah I could possibly earn- I would choose the second option. I get the experience of working under one of the awesomest, known-across-library scenario-in the world, nicest boss/Chief at one of the awesomest campus around India. Hey, it's not every day you get to work for a whole year at a campus that resembles a hill station dammit!

YOU check the previous post and THEN you check out the campus I'm at. AND you decide.

Happiness? Or money?

Gettin high

The more the ecstatic people, the more the creeped-out factor

Reason # 1 why I'm blogging now
Lol. Looks like the blog's still being pissy about the forced starvation part. Well, it had piss anyone off if they were put off fodder too. So here I am trying to fend off dissertation deadlines and the impending exam season by blogging. Or trying to blog.

Reason # 2 why I'm blogging
But why am I actually blogging now? Things really nice and heart warmingly sweet have been happening to me. Mostly so since I don't usually feel like there's any reason people not in direct proximity of me would remember me with love. Not that I'm a nightmare to be around or anything remotely that kind. But still. Everytime someone mentions me with love, I go all; me? You're actually talking about me? You happen to like me a lot?- and that happy mentioning of me by a friend/ good friend/ girlfriend is enough to place me on cloud # 10 in a helium filled state for a looooong time. And recently, a couple of friends; friends whose opinions reaaaaalllly, reaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllyyyyyyyy matter to my happiness and overall peace even have been saying such good things about me [not in my face, mind you. I never take in-my-face compliments seriously even when they are sincerely made] and helping me even if it tires them, that I'm the happiest girl in the world for now,
Yay! Keep me this way please! And thank you dearest Lord for all the unexpected love showers I'm receiving.

Reason # 3 why I'm blogging
And on the other hand, I have recently noticed that I have become a sort of Addiction Initiator-SLASH-Addiction Catalyser-SLASH-Addiction Facilitator for quite a lot of classmates. Lol. It all began with this semester, which is our last, and so, fateful semester as regards our future. Yet, as we have become such experts in procrastination, everyone just slouches all over the place and day dreams until the tests and then do one-night-stands with notes. Thanks to lack of faculty, things have pretty much boiled down to self-teaching.

So as i was blathering, we slouched a lot for the last few months. Everyone has their own way of killing time. Mine was playing "QuadraPop" on buddy Gilsha's SonyEricsson. And boy was I addicted to that game. I had play it for hours on end, even killing all the phone battery at some instances. Then another friend asked for my Nokia and got hooked to "Bounce" for time killing purposes. And before I knew it, things came to the scenario where practically everyone was playing games on everyone else's phone. I had step in the classroom and get asked for my phone before even getting a Good Morning. Oh well!
Life moves on and everyone kind of was de-addicted to phone games. Not all though. I'm still stuck with QuadraPop.
Anyway, THAT was when i started playing Mahjjong on our Ubuntu system. And behold! Sue and Gi get addicted as well!

And here comes the mother of all addictions I spurred-that beats all the other addictions i ever brought:
Korean dramas.

For the last three semesters that we were in post graduation together, my classmates all just scoffed at this weird love i had. Then this semester, I gave the last drama I watched to Bhavya who wanted to know what the noise I made was all about, and,
BEHOLD!
Bhavya is the first one to fall And she fell so damned hard that even I'm surprised and the impact it has left on her. Now she even beats me in talking non-stop about the dramas, the actors, the celeb gossips even. I drew a lot of flak from friends for this. Lots of annoyed curses even. Heh. And funniest thing? I didn't even have to bother to deflect them. Bhavya did all that PR talk for me and even did story telling for the rest. Just.Plain.Awesome.
So I decided to take it a step further and when we girls were all together, Bhavya and yours truly kinda kidnapped and hijacked everyone for full measure, and did a speshul private screening of the first few awesome episodes of that awesome drama. Wadduyuknow? Quite a lot of people fell hard for the drama. And everyone wants a bit of the Korean magic now.

And the ones who didn't fall for the magic?
They are still iffy and giving me baleful stares straight from their closed hearts. I don't mind at all. I have completely converted Bhavya into a full-on faithful ally to the point where-
she and I re-enact our favorite parts with Korean dialogues to boot and
squeal in utter joy when our actor crush breaks up with his girlfriend,
and together we have gotten more addicted.

Life's gooooooooooooooooooood!

Why I used to heart PostSecret part II- and still do

***

The last 3 are from Feb 14/2011

But the gems like these seem to be lesser and lesser in frequency nowadays and it's more about pervy sex habits and infidelity that I get to see whenever I give the site a visit. But still, the last 3 were from yesterday's post. And I especially heart the last one since it's just so beautiful! I mean, the maturity in that relationship.

Have a lovely day y'all!
Spread the joy =)

Why I used to heart Potsecret a lot

Now playing (forever playing): Walking Far From Home- Iron and Wine
Found this slice-of-heaven of a song from a blog I stalk day and night.Iron and Wine make insanely beautiful music, and in case you haven't ever tried them out, try now!
You could try the above song, plus their Each Coming Night which is so soothing that I can't even put the feeling into words!


Since I don't seem to have the time to actually post anything regular these days, I'm posting my favorite Valentine-related postsecrets in the last three years. here goes!
Starting with the older ones

Can't keep my eyes off of you

Alexander Wang Donna Leather Hobo Spring/Summer 2009

 

 I'm extremely picky when it comes to bags and footwear. Which means it sometimes takes me months and even a year before I find something that I like enough to buy. Which is also why I haven't bought a new bag even if the one I'm using is getting worse off by the day. But I have finally found The Bag. Has anyone found a cheaper replica of this designer hottie??

I don't know what you make of this image, but I'm seriously smitten. It's not too fancy, but has a crumpled hobo feel to it, the sort that i like.
Black? check.
Silver zippers? check.
Hobo plus boho? check!
I love when a bag isn't too in-your-face, yet awesome enough.Nothing too uptight and formal and maybe even a bit cheeky. I like it through and through.

We had make such a great couple. It my bag and I its person. Love! Go for walks, go shopping, go everywhere with this!

Ever since I've seen this bag, I haven't been able to unsee it. I look at this image like 20 times a day on my desktop and swoon. That's right. Look and swoon. Look and swoon. On repeat!

This is what happens when I'm forced to study

More like,even the simplest things can distract you. You get lots of ideas for multiple posts for your blog. You remember the old friend who'll be back in town this week. You start making up fun, crazy, wack stories in your head- which would be totally worthy of becoming a script- in your own head and your very own dramaland.

But sometimes, there are reaaaaaaally, reaaaaaaaally prettier and better things to distract you. I was supposed to be studying for the exams [which are thankfully over now. Huzzah!] but Nature wasn't in the mood to cooperate. After sending blissfully lengthy showers by way, God sent me a perfect, perfect, PERFECT rainbow. I swear, it doesn't get better than this.
And I happily clicked away, swooned over the rainbow and texted to see if anyone else had my luck. Nope. It's just me. =)

...now all I need are some unicorns and marshmallows to get going with my own fairy tale. But I'd prefer a chocolate factory instead of that marshmallow element. Hm.

Where I go blah blah blah

And the quest for the black beaded bracelet thus comes to an end. Yay! I finally found a shop where they sell 'em, so bought 2 while I was at it [what if I lost it again?? *shudder] here to jog your memory.

So I'm pretty much super happy and pleased with myself.

And then I realize that I haven't really blogged what's going on with me for quite a long time. Not that life is dull, but more like too jammed with tests, assignments and the academic damnedness. So much so that I'm almost losing my motivation to blog about myself. Which explains the long gaps between posts.

Second realization is that I never blog about my current classmates or course. Not much anyway. And definitely not much when compared with the frequency and intensity with which I used to blog about MY GIRLS. The ones from my under grad days. Those were great times...

Anyways, snaps myself back to the present and I tell you that these people are fun too. Not like the Offbeat girlfriends of mine, but nice and sweet anyway. Damn, we are like one big family these days ever since living together during the internship. Oh I love 'em. There's this film-crazy duo who keeps spouting apt one-liners from Malayalam movies every five minutes, and another duo that just leave the campus as soon as classes are over. Unfortunately, I've joined them since this semester. So I've pretty much forfeited my rights to criticizing them!

Oh! I'm trying to get my uncle to buy me that new book "Love in a headscarf". The title did sound something like that.. What? It's not every day that you get chick-lit from the Muslim woman's angle. And that too about someone who's educated and independent and NOT oppressed. Quite a refreshing change!

By the by, there were quite a lot of blank stares for my "selective amnesic" post. That post was about a friend who used to be real close, but now we have totally grown apart, thanks to X ignoring me. That ha never happened to be before, so, it pretty much hurt.

Changing topics; I'm about to come out with a secret almost everyone knows by now. I'm addicted to South Korean stuff. Well, except for their diet, I'm fascinated by their culture, the gorgeous celebs, their uber-awesome dramas and music, the hilarious-I-can't-stop-laughing kind of celeb reality shows, the picturesque outdoors and weather. Nowadays, I can understand half of the things they say. Ahhhhhh. Normally, there are two reactions when I start talking on the topic:

1.      everyone rolls their eyes and runs away from me when I come dangerously close to starting to gush;

2.      OR they listen patiently with amusement heavily wrought all over their face.

This girl here is THE bet actress I've ever, ever seen. Love her range!

And there is a third kind- and this angel assured me that I'm not crazy. That, "it's [the obsession] just being you. It's just an Azra thing!" If I hadn't already loved her, I would've started loving her unconditionally for that one sentence. =)

Errr…Has everyone already left the place?

Knock knock??

PS- I'm being reckless with music and been discovering lots of good stuff [and some bad stuff too]. So will probably share that in the next post.

And currently reading "Pride and Prejudice and the Zombies". Delightful!

Grazie!

 Thanks for the overwhelmingly positive response people!It's funnier since I'm more of a pessimist and don't exactly believe in love and the kind. Anyway, this is post was meant to show my gratefulness for the encouragement etc everyone has showered my way PLUS so that I don't have to do YET another comeback post. lol ;)
I can just imagine everyone coming with weapons to thwack me if I dared!


And yes Jean, I wish I could turn it into a light tune too!

The kind of chaos I like

Well, I have always preferred chaos when the other choice is order. So very unlike my mom.
Anyway, this wasn't the kind of chaos I was about to talk about:

After waiting for a very long month [boy, was June long or what] I've finally gotten my first issue of my favorite magazine in the entire universe; The Tehelka by mail.

Oui, aaj se har hafta [i hope the postal deliveries don't snail it] Tehelka machega, Tehelka!
I know I'm being absurdly happy over a simple thing. Yday, drove everyone at home crazy with my mono-celebration when I got it in my hands. Honestly, I don't think I will see another magazine of its kind, ever. No other editorial board would have allowed such sincerity in bringing out the truth all the time. With everyone else, it's all about sensationalizing and bitching.

So here's to Tehelka and the symbolic crow that's eternally perched on top of its header-

May the truth always reign supreme and jhoot bole, kauva kaate!

New Template =)

Yessirs and ma'ams, that's all I wanted to say. I still want to change the colors a bit if that's possible. Gotta call in the in-house geek! 'Cos blue's my color. Nothing else ever feels right or suits me.

Will be back with some poetry.

For now, ciao!

Comback #999999111101 or something

Lord, do I make the highest number of comebacks or what? Anyway, here's what's been keeping me busy for the last 2 months: a departmental tour that lasted a week, internship in a no-internet zone for 3 weeks and then the bane of all students: The exams.

But now everything's over!!!!! I'm freeeeeeeeeee! and hold your breath, here it comes: I'm back!!!!!!!!!! [I can almost read the thoughts on the reader's mind: yeah, back again! and then everyone rolls their eyes at me]

Planning an avalanche of posts, so this post is more like a warning prior to the avalanche.

And have I told you? I love ye all! I've taken 4 books from library, and hopes to perform a much required CPR on my other blog. I know it's probably too late, but perhaps a miracle will help?

*Cheers  \m/

Lost... and still lost.

Of all the things I lost,
I miss these the most.

Kinda!

1. The friend I lost to misunderstandings. This is actually a 3 month old post I had drafted. So the fifth thing is no longer valid. I made up with my buddy after 4 years of silence and misunderstandings. Phew! You ought to know broken and unsettled relationships are something I avoid like the plague. So cheers to myself on this victory!
2. My college days as under-grad. Those were the days. Irresponsible, weirdness and spontaneity at its best. Kya din the! Kya zamaana tha! Everyone from Brennen I was friends with were of the same wavelength and eerily similar mind sets as me. In that sense, life sort of sucks at the moment.
3. THE poetry book. The one with all manuscript poems of mine; Lost. I'd be insane to hope it would somehow, miraculously land back into my hands. :(
4. KBS!! The Korean Broadcasting Service. The channel which blew my mind and forever changed my idea about South Korea. It was the only thing worth watching on my stingy Doordarshan DTH set. Last year March, they removed the channel 'cos apparently they couldn't pay the contractual fees because of the financial crisis. Daaaaammnnnnnnnn!! Don't they know there are at least 500 crazy nuts like myself in India who love everything about South Korea now thanks to KBS? Which other country has such an admirable number of hotties, great movies and tv shows and amazing music whcih gets lifted by the likes of Pritam? If you can hear me now, South Koreans, PLEAAAAAAASE make KBS come back on my telly!!!
5. My black beaded bracelet- Can't decide which one I miss most. KBS? or the black bead bracelet which has remained on my mind so much especially since I haven't found another of it's kind. Here's snap I took ages before I lost it.

And here's for everyone's notice- If anyone can find me the very same kind of bracelet- I'm yours sir [or ma'am!]. I'll be yours forever, no strings attached; signed, sealed, delivered, totally yours! With all the annoying habits of mine, I'm yours for life. ok, if that sounds too daunting, at least this Valentine. Buy me that very bracelet people, I'm desperate!

Be Awesome!

This is why I lurve Barney [How I Met Your Mother]!!

The Year of the Korean

I know that wishing you all a cheery belated happy new year on the 20th day of the new year sounds extraordinarily lame and weird, to say the least.
So instead, I'll just have my new year today. Whassay?
This is probably the first time I've stayed the longest away from my blog.
Primary reason was that I was a bit adamant that I'd begin my new year with an awesome new swishy-swashy template. Unfortunately, I'm yet to find the perfect one, one month into the search. Ah me!
Maybe you darlings could help me:
Searching for-
Three column template swathed in lots of white and blue.
Not that I've anything against black, but it's just that. Black.

The year of the Korean
2008 was the year when I totally, deeply, helplessly, desperately fell in love with the Korean entertainment sphere. I came across this channel called KBS World in September or so. And thus began a whirlwind obsessed affair. Gosh! The celebs looked so cute! The dramas were so... hatke! The reality shows were, for a change, totally unscripted! Can ya believe that???
Us Indians sure have trouble believing that reality shows can be real. Like really real.
Anyways, I'll shorten down on the gushings. but check my favourite dramas and actors.
[ Kang! Ji! Hwan!!!] Well that's the SRK (or bigger than that) of Korean film industry.-- Kang ji Hwan!








And that's the drama I totally went ga-ga over. Hong Gildong.
And the girls too!
And did you know that Pritam's "Pehli Nazar Mein" was a complete theft from a famous Korean serial's OST?
And you probably don't know how many times I am called crazy because I watch Korean stuff all time and don't even glimpse at the Hindi serials!!!
********************************************
What else happened in 2008?
*Multiple crushes at the same time took a sliiight toll on my sanity. At least that's what my friends prefer to believe.
*Plus lots of bike rides with Vrinda and Saju.
*By today, 2700 and more photographs taken of the gang.
*This year so the entry of gadgets (in a modest way) in our gang. Phones existed already. I owned the first camera, then Vinaya. Then Nimisha buys a better phone. And I'm finally the owner of a phone too now! Shocking that I went through college life without a mobile and still had a fun time?
*Bookwise it was a bare desert like year. Not much intelligence or reading. Doh!
*Made lots of online constant companions and friends. J was the constant commentator on my blog. The Nishi, J, Mohu were the intelligent lot of friends. Then there is the wonderful AR Rahmaniac buddy. Blue, Truthful, Matangi, Muscat's Insomniac and Vee gave me company through blogspot. And very, very, very rarely I caught a glimpse of Sid's streaks of genius too.
And you can't simply forget the delightful pair Jean and Maggie!
Sorry if I left out anyone.
*There were the wonderful movies and awesome music. [mostly from the unnaturally perfect genius called A.R.R. and also the very much likable Vishal-Shekhar duo]
Who didn't love Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na and the still favourite "Kabhi Kabhi Aditi"? Way too much of good music. Can't even list 'em all in here.
updated later on-
*hits myself in the head for forgetting my favorite movie of 2008-Rock on
* Seriously when you think of the year, there were so many bad moments. The mindnumbing Mumbai terror seige....

That's all for this post.
I know this post is incomplete, but well,
incomplete blog post is better than a NO post!

Expect better things tomorrow!
Ciao!