Monday, March 30, 2009

What I REALLY wanted to say

It was farewell time at college [finally! them juniors took looooooong enuf to throw us a farewel party.] In fact, they have taken so long that we kind of feel emotionally drained now. No tears, choked up voices or anything. Not even too many teary hugs. [In fact, I gave out the only hug that happened today. And it wasn't even teary. Damn conventional behaviours! The farewell seems so incomplete since no one really cried. Nimisha and Vrinda did. They got all teary watching our PG final year crying.
Myself, Vinaya and Namitha are like laughing, getting bored, sweating [it's summer!], slinking down our seats hiding from view whenever it seemed like we might be called up to give a nostalgia-induced teary speech...and doing literally EVERYTHING we normally do. NO TEARS. In fact, watching the other 2 tear up, we were more like, "what the....!?"

Which is why, when I was called up to talk, I couldn't say all the things I'd wanted to say. Instead, I ranted about random stuff.


"First off, I want to tell everyone that I know I haven't been a perfect, ideal student. If anything, I was less-than-perfect. I got into dumb fights with my teachers, I bunked classes and would jump in front of them with the least sense of shame and what not..
I'm really really heartfelt sorry for all the wrong things I did and sorry for the things I didn't do.
I'm lucky that I got a family here who still loves me completely-with my flaws, with my imperfection. Brennen is a home I never thought I could find here, and you people have been like the best family I could ever hope for. Thank you all for taking me in.

Like Supriya said, even I feel sort of orphaned just by thinking that, "hey, there's no more Brennen in your life. No more hanging around, hiding from teachers when you ought to have sat for their hours in class, falling in and out of crushes, finding happiness in the simplest things of life. There's no more of this world for you from now on. Gosh! And now I suddenly feel all small and abandoned. No more of Brennen. But that seems the same as saying "I'm homeless!"

And there were so many beautiful moments from my life here. it's been beautiful living here, and it's come to a beautiful end. Ya sure, there are regrets, there's still a long list of things I wanted to do from here. I found a totally unlikely friendship with Leena ma'am and Sarita ma'am, thanks to the debate fever last year. I got a brother from my very first year. I had a kind of "discovered-then-lost-then-found" friendship with Supri. Seriously yaar, how come we lost that great relationship last year and thankfully found it back this year?! and i learnt so much about things I never knew existed.

Thanks to Brennen and all of you, I can say that, "yes, I had a beautiful life treasured away in a beautiful world called Brennen."

you can't ever take that away from me!
[hand on heart] I loved it here,
but that doesn't mean I'm returning here!!


et said...

*CLAPS* n *CLAPS* :)

..looking upon thy face, shining in the burst of thy truthful and glorious thoughts...

*my attempt of being poetical :P*

BrownPhantom said...

Somehow I end up having similiar experiences at farwells. No emotions at all. Maybe because there is already an expectation and the real feelings don't stand up to it :).

Azra Raphael said...


and @ brown phantom- yeah, i agree. the expectations of us being sad and sentimental is so high, that in the end there's nothing much of a feeling left!