Am I back? Or is this born out of boredom?

 How does one go about with restarting a love/a hobby/a passion?

I used to LOVE coming here with a jumble of excited ideas and thought-trains all clashing into one another, impatient to just get out and get typed out.

Somewhere along the way, when I moved out of my hometown, I started losing the habit. 

It kept dying with every other week and month.

But eventually it was my PhD that killed it for sure.

Academic writing dulled my wit and humor and overall love of composing notes and blogging.

Every two years I had resolve that yes, I'm going to write. I'm not going to surrender my joys and interests for my academic degree. Unfortunately that was about it. I'd made a comeback post resolving with renewed determination and grit, and then I had be back to square one. 

The obsession with social media meant I wasted every free moment looking at content instead of creating my own stories or poems or anything/

I came to the sad conclusion that I would only be able to regain my own life once my PhD was over. And now it is over and I'm confused and getting cold feet. I couldnt help wondering -

- What if I've probably lost my own style of writing after so many years of disuse? What if I'm no longer good at writing. What if even if i do manage to write one good post, I'd still be undisciplined and not write frequently enough to keep the passion alive? What do I write about? 

and on and on and on my head goes.

Anyway, if you like stream of consciousness, anxiety-infused irregular blog posts, maybe stay?

I'll share all about the niche things/situations I love, and you could read and tell me how I can dust off my dormant writing skills and get better.

The year that was mine.

Entirely mine.

So here's what was going on while I went on blog-hiatus. Gak, these days (months, more like), everytime I blog, the post is by default a comeback post.

• My IIMK life has come to an end. (Tragic sigh follows)
• Which also means that my hostel life is over. Phew!
• Niqah over (I know I make it sound like an army commander reporting about a completed mission. That's how I felt once the hullabaloo had died down.)
• My heart wants a sabbatical, my brain wants other stuff.

Yeah, I wanted to do this post couple of weeks back, but like everything else I plan, this one got pushed down the procrastinated-pipeline-of-things-I-totally-have-to-be-doing-already.

Living Alone
Fending for myself in a new city was daunting, sometimes even aggravating in the start. Especially when you are a lazy bum and a geographically retarded bum at that, like me. Fun nevertheless. I could make impulsive decisions and just go buy stuff when I fancied so. I could do crazy stuff and just be me, and not worry, since hey- no one cares! And the beauty of earning and spending it on my family and myself. I still remember receiving my first paycheck. Great day!

And haunting the second hand book store. It became my favorite haunt in all of Calicut after IIMK. Thanks to Rahul!

Roomie love
Sure this life came with its baggage. My colleague and I had joined together, and lived together. Boy was that mad. We're as unlike each other as possible. To the point where if I like something, I know she'll hate it, and vice versa. We couldn't stand each other's lifestyle. So when she moved out after getting a new job- the move practically saved our friendship. Ridunkulus as that may sound. See, some relationships are like that. It's better not to spend too much time together in such cases cos that will just ruin things.

Anyway, I made a truckload of friends at my hostel. A motley crowd in fact. They came and they went. Some stayed longer thanks to their respective exams or courses, some lasted only weeks before they ran from the crap food and kleptomaniacs that infest the hostel. But despite the number of days they spent there, I fell in love with all the girls who were unlucky/lucky? enough to be my roommates. Some were strong, intelligent and outspoken and awesome like my first roomie Amu. Some were whimsical like Luna Lovegood (Leah!). Some were mature and sametime crazy like Christie. Whichever way, all beautiful, all amazing.

Coming back, main point of the whole crazy hostel life:
I lasted a whole year!
It's definitely something to be proud of, kid. I survived bad food, consequent sicknesses, forthmentioned creepy kleptomaniacs and more.

Niqah-
ok, I'mma be brief about this cos ceremonies and social functions ain't my thing. And the Niqah just emphasised that fact. I love being around my family. Extended family included. I unconditionally love them all no matter how weird or flawed they may be. They're family. Everything's forgiven.
Anyway, my Niqah event was crazy fun thanks to this extended family. We came together as one single unit, had fun, goofed around and in general- had a great time. What I didn't love was the dress-up part. SO not me.

And the wedding songs that I usually am ok with when singing for someone else getting married. But when it's me they are singing to, I'm actually yawning! I can't stand the cheesier than cheesy lyrics (try this: "the girl blushed as they made her wear the pretty flowers". Gaaaaah. Seriously? Seriously? I'm supposed to not laugh at that??!)They're fun as long as you don't sing em to me!

 But it was fun watching my cousins and mom and dad and the photographer who came plead and beg me to Smile like a girl would smile dammit! All I could muster was my half-smile/smirk.
And here's proof that I've had the same smile ever since I was a wee bratty kid. (I was a brat. A spoilt one at that)

Le smirky face

They wanted something else. I tried a grin, but that was ruled out as unwholesome. How? Was it an alligator laugh? Or you find the girl seeming like she's on dope? Maybe it's the second. Or maybe it's just me. Siiiiiigh.

IIM aka Heaven aka Para-para-paradise

Saving the bias for last.
Like I mentioned, my IIM phase is over. And that's a huge void that will never get filled up. Ever. This is where I need a melodramatic emoticon to express all my melancholy and pain at departure from said heaven.
 
    This is where I got over the trauma I had received from my dept head from post grad years. ok, I really want to say awful things about him, but I realize I'll just be damaging myself, so I refrain.
     This is where I grew into a confident, self-assured, strong person. Most of that had gotten wiped off the slate from the above mentioned miserable black hole of a human.
     This is where I lived in an awesomely happy environment, great colleagues and superiors and had the luck to work under the Most Amazing, The Person I Respect Most, Perfection Personified, Frikkin' Amazing Guru - aka, my Boss. Or in simpler terms, the Chief Librarian & Information Officer plus a million other titles he works by. I'm still awed by his humility despite how genius he is. He could have been a mean pig, but he chose to be awesome. Respect.
    This is where I perfected my work ethic and realized I'm a quick learner and pretty sharp at my job. Yay! Major ego boost.
    And how can I forget! This is where I got the chance to meet greats like RBI Governor, ministers of Kerala Cabinet and all. 
    This is where I fell in love with the awesomeness of Tumblr too. And also found and fell irretrievably in love with The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

    This is where I fell in love over and over AND over again with a place. I don't think words can do justice to how unbelievably heavenly my work place is.

See what I'm going on an on about?
The clean, clean, cold air. The long walks downhill, the adorable workplace friends (I love you allllllll!), the everyday joy of going to work here!, and the fact that we get to work in a place where the work ethic mostly consists of 'do your work. no need to stress out. is all.'/ I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting the finer points.
But oh well, one can never explain beauty. Only attempt and fail.

I just made a point to take a mental snapshot of my paradise before I left. (cries into pillow)

   

Lyrical videos!! (and then I meander into covers territory)

Aw man,
I've been wanting to talk about them since ages. Ages! I mean, c'mon, what's not to like?

More and more artistes are turning to releasing lyrical videos initially and building the hype up thusly, getting viewers wanting more- and bam! comes the real deal. Only, for me, I'm more vested in the lyrical video than the actual music video of songs.

Usually you get so caught up in the video, that you wholly or at least partially get distracted from the music.Seriously, check out most of the m/vs. They spend like pots of gold and churn out the flashiest scenes for the single. Result? Humungous dollops of eye candy (which is always nice!), but makes the music secondary.

Take "Payphone" for example. It's so frikkin' movie-like, that I didn't notice the music,

UNTIL Julia Sheer came up with the loveliest cover of the single. Then I was hooked on to both the cover AND the original for life. Luff.

WHICH is why "Someone Like You" is awesome. Also "Rolling in the Deep". Ok, both are different in tone, but BOTH focus on the singer and the music. (And duh, I'm an Adele fan, which probably became obvious with this one sentence).

Y'anyways, I'll try to stop the veering off the topic, and steer us back in. Lyrical videos. As in, the whole lyrics of the single showing up all over the video instead of sexy, almost-naked ladies and just as nonsensical stuff. So awesome! I mean, this is how music videos should have been since the beginning. Yeah, I know how most videos have chyrons and important words from the lyrics showing up anyway. But lyrical videos are a different planet. Just love! Here are three of the lyrical videos I loved. This one was the first lyrical video I noticed as such. Which isn't ancient and is kinda very recent, in fact.

Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" lyrical video was adorable. For me anyway. I cherished it even more when I realised what crap the real music video was. Duh. Katy Perry, are you pretending to be a witch in that video? Is that a reference to Omen I see in it in between? Is that the Cheshire Cat? Have I gone mad? Way too many questions and swear words rushing all at once within my head. Not good.

Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years": That song was so sweet. Saccharine. I just wish it weren't linked up with THAT dreck movie. If you know what I mean. And then last week or so I met Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together". And again, it was the lyrical video that won me over, more than Taylor in a platinum ponytail and is that a 60s era scene you guys are grooving to?

OoooooooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOOooh, we called it off again last night, But OoooOOOOOOOooooh! I LOVE that Oooooh part SO much!

The long-overdue post. The brace-yourselves-for-the-next post

Anyaseyo all! (that's hello in Korean, duh. I just wanted to start off on a random and different note)

So! A post has been overdue and I've been frikkin' busy what with having the unique luck of being assigned to two departments in the same month. Which means, I'm working ALL the time since I gotta do the stuff in THIS department, and by the time I'm tired, it's lunch and post-lunch, work for the next department. Yay, life can be exhausting AND fun all at once. So obviously I like it when I'm working, ergo-no complaints. BUT! that also by default means that NO SLACK TIME for poor me. Draw in a sad face of me while you're at it.

Mostly, this post is a filler and to brace you for the next post, which is NOT gonna be an easy read. Why? I'm usually a happy-go-lucky person, never badmouths even the meanest kid 'round the block and generally my posts resonate with the wonderful things I'm going through. You can ignore the "bad day" posts of mine since they're rare and sad. Anyway, the next post is like- whaddayacallems?- urban poetry?
No rhyme to the poem, but lotsa reason.

It's about one of the only two persons I hate loathe on this world. That's intense and I didn't really want to blog about the way I'm feeling (nay,repressing) about the darkness emanated by said person. But then I realized, dayum, if I don't vent about it, I might die suffocated by all the bad thoughts and it's always better to share everything here. Where else could I do that?

To quote a drama,

"Share if it's good news, so that the happiness multiplies.
Share if it's bad news, so that the hurt/pain can be halved/lessened."

True that!


EDIT- I decided after posting this and ruminating quite a bit, that hating on someone no matter how hateful, just brings me down to their level. Not very helpful. So cheer me on about my new decision to just post the next post and I'mma try to get over the bad feelings and stay neutral (like my darling Riff told me to, yday) regarding everything hateful. Not gonna exert myself over something awful anymore people!

Prayers from a Mallu

Mallu:- Proper noun. Slightly derogatory term used for Malayalis aka Keralites who display behavior said to be characteristic of their community. A typical Mallu will

• be very laidback, and thus peace-loving and detests violence most of the time. Being lazy, we will-
• jump in at every opportunity which claims to make big money easily,
• have an opinion about everything- about that girl next door who flirts too much, that auto driver who charges more and more every next time, about social media, USA's foreign policy, Manmohan Singh, in short- EVERYTHING. Hell, even that unemployed bum has an opinion about why no one's doing anything about global climate change.

• We Mallus are worldly, well-read (at least 95% are), intellectuals, or pretend-intellectuals (but even they will know all the facts and are updated on the news and goings-around) and sometimes even other-worldly (might as well make some money off other-worldliness while we are at it!) 
• There's a running joke about how there will be a Mallu in every nook and corner of the Earth. (You've definitely heard the joke of how when Neil Armstrong landed on Moon and saw that there was this Mallu running a tea-shop there,right?)
• We LOVE hartals. Whether we support the cause or not is an entirely different thing. Which is why, come every other unknown political party who claims to have been offended by so-and-so or such-and-such situation and declares strike or hartal- we CELEBRATE them. We cheer each other with "Happy Hartal!/ Hartal days are back again!" texts. No, I swear this is true. I can personally vouch for this being 100% reality, cos I celebrate along too!        Back in school days, we'd students strikes practically every other day. Ergo, we'd go to school, get taught for a period or so before the school gave in to the student-strike that came strutting in from the other school next door. Then us girls would all hang around our empty classrooms, schoolground, munching away happily on snacks and yummy lunches, before finally going home in the best of happy  moods. Tee hee! So you understand that protests are pretty much in-built into the Mallu system.
         Upset about the grades? Protest march. Teacher being partial to some student. Gherao him. Exam papers may have been leaked? Boycott college for days. You want an upgrade on paycheck? Strike! Pissy with the govt? Strike! Hartal!

This poster is pro-hartal and reads "Yay Hartal! Hartal wishes to all". I know, we're a crazy fun lot

And this last characteristic brings me to the topic. By now you've a fair idea of what to expect from a Mallu and the fact that I'm a Mallu too. =D

And like at least some of my readers know by now, I'm working at IIM-Kozhikode currently. Yes yes, thanks for the congrats and thumps on my back and everything. It's amazing and lotsa fun working there too. But! The one drawback of it all is that I have to work 9-5.30 Monday through Saturday. Which means I get just one measly holiday a week. Barely, hardly, not at all enough.

So?

I'm reduced to waiting for general holidays which don't happen much. The only other alternative where we get holidays would be when there're vehicle strikes, hartals or the sort happening and you can't make it to work.

And me being me, always ends my prayers these days like this,
"God, please let a hartal happen on Saturday or Monday so I can have that extra day off."

Absurd you thinketh? Well, God sure did answer my prayers last week. Only that it was limited to that particular municipal corporation my hostel is in and which meant, yeah I got my day off thank-you-so-much, but that the IIM administration marked it as leave taken by me since there was no hartal as such where IIM was. Dang!

So this week around, I prayed more specifically.
"Dear God, please give me a hartal more than six hours".This time around too God was gracious enough to answer my prayer. Only, I got a Hartal in my district alone. IIM will be able to function anyways and everyone else will turn up for work. All but me. =( Which obviously means they'll once again mark me down as on-leave.

But on the bright side, I already was home all of yday since it was a general holiday. And I got to stay back today too. So it's Sunday,Monday and this Tuesday. Chock-fulla holidays! Though I'll be paying the price for today. Hmph.

Next time around I'mma pray with the wording so correct, connotation and implication so accurate that I'll land myself an awesome hartal-holiday. Just you wait and watch!

• 
  

White, white lie

"Liar".


At first it was just a passing thought. Like a stray hair caught in the wind. Flimsy and with no weight of its own to mean anything huge.


She didn't linger on it. So there she was on the phone, talking about a million different things with Mira, and among them, they eventually ended up talking about her weight.

"Yeah sis, I've heard all this a million times over. You think I don't worry about this? Aren't I freaked about how it might wreck my health?

And J did know how scary things could get. The blackouts for one thing. She was never sure where and when she might fall apart, unconscious. Only to wake up elsewhere with no memory as such of the falling apart or anything.

She could hear her cousin's racked breathing from all the hyper-freaked rant about how J never cared enough about her own health. Mira took a moment to control her feelings; mostly fear and worry; she was close to tears by now. And completely frightened by what thoughts might be going through J's head. With good reason.

J in turn let out an almost ruthless laugh and chuckled the words out, "Hold on didi! I just want to know how much more I weigh these days- is all! God, you sound like mom these days".

Mira calmed down considerably, but she still couldn't tamp down her suspicions.
"It better be so. Or you and I will have words, with a shrink in tow. I'm not even joking anymore."

J dropped the cheery act and snapped back drily,
"Of course. Anyways, class is over for the day. I'm heading home now. Call you later when you're off work."

-"Had lunch?"
-"Yup Mira, with friends from canteen. Bye."
J cut the call with that.

She finally got off the phone and looked around. It was past lunch hour and most of the students were back in their classes. She gathered up her bag to say goodbyes to friends before leaving for home.

And as expected, everyone was lazing around in the computer lab.

"Oi, J! There you are! We already had lunch since you took so long. Wanna go to canteen together?"
"You didn't eat anything na?"
"Where were you anyway?"

Multiple voices yelled at her when she stepped into the lab.

"I'm off to home guys. Mom's expecting me for lunch. So bye!" J replied, collecting the remaining notes and stuff strewn over the place and stuffing them into her bag.

"Girl, you're totally missing out on the fun of eating with friends these days.. In fact, it's been months since we shared lunch together." Runi muttered annoyed.

J gave a taut smile at that and left after a couple more hugs and goodbyes.


...
liar


Liar


LIAR


LIAR

This one goes out to you. And you. And her. And him.

This one's for those friends of mine,

rare finds
who stand out in any crowd.
The ones who've stood up for me,
Held me when I cried,
Hugged me while I died inside.


Made my day 
when it was otherwise so mundane.
Loved me and reminded me
of all the awesomeness I'd forgotten about me.


Yeah,
This post is for those amazing friends
who made my day, week, month and the year.
And off we start 2012.
Belated happy new year fellow-wookies!

Because I love you,

And will stay so,

Things are easy.

Questions are answered to,

Problems solved.

Because I am so,

and can't be helped otherwise,

I'd rather the world understand.

Let me be,

Let me rise.

And now that I know you're hurt the same,

Please don't protest, deny or blame.

Good feelings grow,

They will finally show-

The world's not such a bad place afterall.

Life's worth living,

Hugs happily shared

and smiles easily passed on.

So we'll hold hands,

Roll the roads and rivers

that keep us apart

into nothingness;

and I'll hold your hand tighter-

'cos friends like you

are godsends,

one of a kind,

and were custom-made for me!

Be sad and rich or be happy and footloose?

The things people do and seek out, try out.. all the sake for that very elusive drug called happiness. Really, in the end, when you're asked, "why do you study?"
-"to get a job."
"why do you need a job?"
-"to earn money and fend for myself, stand up on my own feet."
"and after that, what?"

Well what follows is that either you haven't planned that far out into the future, and you're not that into philosophy and the baggage it comes with.

I was just doing a bit of introspection [which really means lotsa thinking when you're bored with nothing better to do, really!] and how I'm faring- now that I'm settled down as a trainee/intern/whateveryouwannacallem- and very happy too-- but with the meagre stipend only. And since I'm lucky enough not to be worried about matters of more gravity like having to substantially provide for family etc, I have the freedom to live off on my own.

And I wondered.

If I were offered a well-paid job as guest lecturer at my former college under that very scary boss. Would I pick that up stat? Or would I rather live light-hearted on a measly stipend off on my own?

Funnily enough, as much as I'd like all the extra moolah I could possibly earn- I would choose the second option. I get the experience of working under one of the awesomest, known-across-library scenario-in the world, nicest boss/Chief at one of the awesomest campus around India. Hey, it's not every day you get to work for a whole year at a campus that resembles a hill station dammit!

YOU check the previous post and THEN you check out the campus I'm at. AND you decide.

Happiness? Or money?

Why I used to heart PostSecret part II- and still do

***

The last 3 are from Feb 14/2011

But the gems like these seem to be lesser and lesser in frequency nowadays and it's more about pervy sex habits and infidelity that I get to see whenever I give the site a visit. But still, the last 3 were from yesterday's post. And I especially heart the last one since it's just so beautiful! I mean, the maturity in that relationship.

Have a lovely day y'all!
Spread the joy =)

Can't keep my eyes off of you

Alexander Wang Donna Leather Hobo Spring/Summer 2009

 

 I'm extremely picky when it comes to bags and footwear. Which means it sometimes takes me months and even a year before I find something that I like enough to buy. Which is also why I haven't bought a new bag even if the one I'm using is getting worse off by the day. But I have finally found The Bag. Has anyone found a cheaper replica of this designer hottie??

I don't know what you make of this image, but I'm seriously smitten. It's not too fancy, but has a crumpled hobo feel to it, the sort that i like.
Black? check.
Silver zippers? check.
Hobo plus boho? check!
I love when a bag isn't too in-your-face, yet awesome enough.Nothing too uptight and formal and maybe even a bit cheeky. I like it through and through.

We had make such a great couple. It my bag and I its person. Love! Go for walks, go shopping, go everywhere with this!

Ever since I've seen this bag, I haven't been able to unsee it. I look at this image like 20 times a day on my desktop and swoon. That's right. Look and swoon. Look and swoon. On repeat!

Karma's a bitch and i should've known

And hey you,

No-

I didn't die.

I didn't disappear either.

I'm just wondering what happened to you-

Selective amnesia?

P.S. - serves me right though. Usually I'm the one pulling disappearing acts on others.

The kind of chaos I like

Well, I have always preferred chaos when the other choice is order. So very unlike my mom.
Anyway, this wasn't the kind of chaos I was about to talk about:

After waiting for a very long month [boy, was June long or what] I've finally gotten my first issue of my favorite magazine in the entire universe; The Tehelka by mail.

Oui, aaj se har hafta [i hope the postal deliveries don't snail it] Tehelka machega, Tehelka!
I know I'm being absurdly happy over a simple thing. Yday, drove everyone at home crazy with my mono-celebration when I got it in my hands. Honestly, I don't think I will see another magazine of its kind, ever. No other editorial board would have allowed such sincerity in bringing out the truth all the time. With everyone else, it's all about sensationalizing and bitching.

So here's to Tehelka and the symbolic crow that's eternally perched on top of its header-

May the truth always reign supreme and jhoot bole, kauva kaate!

The Post where i avoid the fluff and talk serious things that have been niggling me for some time

I usually don't blog about issues that leave people with sadness as to where the whole world is headed. Not this time though. Last week there was a horrible incident in Kerala that jolted us all.

On one hand you have the namesake teacher who deliberately and viciously insulted the Prophet in a question paper with words like "dog" etc.
On the other hand you have the worthy of emulation Prophet himself who never raised violence against his enemies even after they threw animal intestines on him while he was prostrating in prayer; toasted death threats his way all the time and even tried to work them out on a daily basis.
And you have some crazies who don't know the first thing about Islam and chop off this teacher's right hand as if they are doing the right thing in the name of Islam. You idiots! You are the reason why Islam has a bad name all across the world.

But thankfully, there are sane Muslim out there too. This teacher T J Joseph's sister called upon Solidarity; [a group of sane moderate Muslims,as i like to call 'em] for blood for her brother. And they did. =) They were at the hospital donating blood when required. While the crazies helped give Islam a bad name, these dudes were the saving grace. Phew!

This is what I had to pour out. Thanks for listening me out. Love ye all!

PS- working on a poem. But i just can't finish it!

Thanks to you...

Thanks to you,

There is a lot of music I can't

Listen to happily anymore.

Damn.

That was the way it was for quite some time after graduation. I couldn't listen to any of the music we sang and shared during those three years.

So, there was this whole folder worth of music from that period that I couldn't listen to without having to fight the urge to just run away.

Away as in anywhere.

I couldn't move on if I clung to memories.

And I couldn't listen to several of my favorites without getting all whimsical and moony.

So, now there is this new me who's been shaping up over the past year who is always experimenting with the new genres and styles.

And it has done me good. Real good!

I discovered

• Death Cab For Cutie,
• Carolina Liar,
• Sondre Lerche,
• Fray,
• Emma Lee,
• Iron& Wine,
• Sara Bareilles,

• Ryuichi Sakamoto,
• M.I.A [yeah, I know she's been around like for ages, but I had never checked her out earlier. And man, what a costly mistake! She's awesome!]
• Joss Stone [but I haven't gotten the hang of her yet. Any help?]
• Katie Melua
• And I'm very much and sincerely, in love with Malayalam folk songs. I guess the folk-crossover-rock band "Avial" did it for me.
• Kings of Leon
• Elisa
• Azure Ray
• Dixie Chicks had made a great impression on me when they'd come out yelling anti-war and anti-Bush and were boo-ed for that since everyone was pro Bush back then. They are not just any random bimbos. Na ha. And their music? I'd never really cared for country. Until I checked these ladies out. They are sooooooo good at this!

And a helluva lot much more. But the thing is, I'm showing a definite leaning towards mellower stuff. That's because I'm rooting for the Jazz and Indie camp, of course. But can anyone please yank me back to the Rock camp. I'm dying to return to the time when I was all about head bangin'. =)

*Thanks to my beautiful, out-of-this-world amazing 7 friends and all the other great friendships I've been carrying with me since my Brennen days. I love you all soooooo much that my heart breaks. In a good way. =)

Of heartbreaks and the Heartless

For some, Heartless may remind them of that really popular number by Kanye West, plus the equally amazing Fray cover and makes-me-wanna-swoon cover by Kris Allen.

But, I meant Heartless as in, me. All me.

Last week or the previous one- not sure when; I find it hard to track which day I'm breathing in; anyway, some time back, there was a flurry of break ups, anticipated break ups and all. Good ol' Eddie [Edward] got dumped by his girlfriend. Serves him right, maybe now he'll try to remain single for at least 7 whole days, ha! Then, the same day another friend buzzed about what looked like his break-up related misery. But later it turns out he wasn't even dating in the first place to have been dumped. Or so he says.

Anyhoo, this love is takin' its toll on me.

I just can't stand listening to break ups without laughing at inappropriate grave parts of the "heart-rending" story. When I'm forced to console someone with love failure, I end up overdoing the consoling part, making it seem like someone died.

I never can empathize much with a dumpee. You took the risk and fell in love; you should have been ready for this consequence too! In short, I'm what people call Heartless, all cold-logic, mean. But I'm what I call, self-preserving and practical.

=)

So, don't I ever feel love? Yeah sure, I fall in love, crush and burn every other day. But that's all. All you have to do is show an ion of interest back, and I skitter to the remotest planet possible. Why?

Because I have least possible faith in myself and don't think it possible that I might actually be likeable to people other than friends.But then there are times when I think, hey, I'm too good to be anyone's girl!

I just have crushes on people. Ranging from Sirius Black and Darcy to Keira Knightley. Yes, even Keira. She tops my list of straight, same-sex crushes.

I'm mostly a "So What" and "I Will Survive" kind of person, though thanks to my love for indie and jazz music, I find I'm turning into quite the mellow, laidback romantic.

But right now?

I'm in a very dreamy state thanks to a South Korean novel "Coffee Prince" and the hit drama which followed [same name].

Pause.

I don't and can't read Korean. I'm reading an English translation of the book and have watched a couple o' episodes of the drama which was loosely translated off the book.

End of Pause.

Clickie here in case you had like to check it out. It unintentionally raises a lot of questions as regards homosexuality, which I loved about it. Apart from the unique love story line.

For now I have succeeded in getting dahlings Gilsha and Remya interested in the story.

And here's something I penned down when I was in a mellow and dejected mood. [sure, the 2 emotions can blend together]

Even if I walk away,

Even if I don't turn back,

Even if didn't smile

Or look your way.

Please don't leave.

I'm scared of a lot of things,

About myself,

About you,

About relationships.

Things that make me run away

Every time I fall for you,

Again and again.

So stay.

Hold me tight,

Lock your fingers with mine.

Pull me back

No matter how hard I may try to run.

It's still in the draft mode, so grin and bear.

Weird=Beautiful

Especially when the people who are being so outrageously weird like you happen to be best friends. Ha! This monday yours truly and friends Vinaya, Vaikhari, Namitha and Prajisha strutted around our old college as part of a tiny meet-up. Was worth the wacked-out lie I had to dish out to my teacher. Totally worth it. =)
Juniors were real sweet on seeing us back, with our ice lollies in hand. And when you are crazy, and a guy you know from old times comments that you lot haven't matured EVEN after graduating [points at the ice lollies] - you smile and nod approvingly- "Yeah! we are immature, weird and we love the fact!"

Weirdness part II:
I think I'm the only person who has "Pray for me brother" of A R Rahman as ringtone. I think I'm the only one who's noticed that it's prelude makes for "The Perfect Ringtone Ever". [sure, i was awfully arrogant]. But all these notions got drowned when I heard my cousin's phone ring. Yeah, you already guessed it- he's got "Pray for me brother" as ringtone too! freaky-freaky ditto!

Must say- it is such a gorgeous song guys. Try using it as ringtone and I'm pretty sure you won't want to change it-ever. I tried, but here I am, still using the same ringtone as 8 months back. { with minor exceptions of "pichle saat dino mein" from "Rock On!!" for the Brennen buddies and a brother and "That's not my Name!" from Ting Tings for the best friends}

Weirdness Part III:
Listened to classmate J relate her love story.Strong ol' Raphael turned into a nonsensical mess of mush and goo. I usually am pretty cold and detached and even downright insulting to love stories, but this one was so sweet and true.... Youch!
I thought she had managed to melt the ice in me with that story of hers. Which was really impressive by the way.
But-
The sugar-effect clung to me for just 2 hours. Phew! I'm back to being happily single and anti-love and all that jazz people! Doncha guys love me for that?

right, ciao for now.

PS- Uber huge hugs and kisses to Vaika for adding one more reader to my blog. Love ye sweet Vaiks! and warm welcome to you too- silent-reader-from-MGU. Thanks for the silent support. Much appreciate it.

=)
cheers!!

=)

If unreasonable dislike is prejudice,
What is unreasonable like?

You ask, "Why the silence?"
I say, "What do I speak about when everything is already obvious?"

Gandhiji has left the building

I had wanted to talk about yesterday actually;my birthday. That was my plan until I watched "Maine Gandhi Ko Nahi Maara" today. [pure coincidence, in fact I didn't notice that we were happening to watch a movie related with Gandhiji until it kinda struck me in the face]
{by the way, Vaikhari is reading Tushar Gandhi's "Let's kill Gandhi", though I don't know if that's a coincidental occurring like my watching Jahnu Barua's amazing movie today itself without even realizing it}



On the surface, and for a huge part of the movie, the focus is on how dementia affects people, no matter how intelligent and even brilliant they used to be. And how Anupam Kher [OMG, what a talented actor he is! actually, everyone from a theater background is a natural at acting. anyways...] keeps insisting he didn't kill Gandhi. This guilt of his that he killed Gandhi has its roots from a childhood incident that subconsciously still was on his mind,after all these years.

But honestly, this movie is about how each of us have a share in the daily murdering of Gandhi. Almost everything we do is yet another knife into his ideas, his visions, him.
Like Anupam Kher's character says,

" Did he fight for freedom to see this? This situation of our country where he is remembered only on two situations. The day he was born, and the day he died."


That's exactly why I am not too high on celebrating any sort of special day. Even Independence day has a ring of hypocrisy and phony-ness to it. Everyone is all smiles and waving flags one day, and go back to India-bashing the next. Gandhi wasn't celebrating on August 14th,1947. Nay, he was trying to find a solution to the murderous communal riots and the problem of hunger in his country. What a man. Such honesty, sincerity and courage in such a simple man, the Father of the nation.

Like Einstein said,

"Generations to come, it may be, will scarce believe that such one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth"


True.

Here's to the endearing memory of Gandhi and to those who still follow his chosen path of life. May they increase in number. May we have the strength to be one of them.

I'm proud of what my country has come through,

ashamed of what it has come to.

[music coming to mind right now is- "Waiting on the world to change"-John Mayer. striking lyrics]

The beautiful and the secular

I begin with the beautiful aspect of last week. And it feels bizarre to say that that good, wholesome peaceful feeling in me and a lot of other Keralites, was created in the first place by a death.

And not just some usual death. Last week, one of Kerala's finest bi-lingual writer died.
Kamala Surayya. A strong woman, and the epitome for secularism. She was born into one of Kerala's most established families. One that was amongst the founders of a leading newspaper. She was born into an upper caste Hindu family and later on in life converted to Islam. That created a huge chaos back then in Kerala. She was under tremendous pressure from several to take back her decision and got infinite threat calls and all.

Anyway, that's not the point. The charm of all this was how gracefully her children accepted her decision. So there she was. A converted pious Muslim living under the same roof with Hindus. No ill-will, no bitterness.

And when she died. All her family, her Hindu children and her2 adopted Muslim sons. all of them together offering prayers together, shoulder-to-shoulder, praying for her.

Isn't it beautiful?

That this happened at the very time when there is so much fights happening in the name of religion?

So what if I'm Muslim and you happen to be a Hindu or Christian or Parsi or heathen or anything?

As long as we understand that beneath all this difference, we are all just the same. What matters?

So what if there are all those fanatics imagining themselves to be oh-so secular? We can show them the way and show them what true secularism is. Like this one incident.

All we have to do is put some effort into reaching out and being there for others. Don't bother what their race is, what their religion is or anything. Because in the end, nothing else matters, ya know?

Reaching out, with lots of hope for a much more happier,stronger,safer and secular India,
Raphael. I dont give a damn what god you believe in, I just love you all!