Not meant to be read, not meant to be seen

Exactly.
This one is just about giving vent. Otherwise I might just suffocate.
And since I'm entirely sure that the people concerned with this issue are NEVER going to read my blog, I don't have to worry about what they will think either. This is better this way.

About that debate thing. And how I spoilt it all up. What was the reason?
Supri insists that I was on empty stomach and that was why.
Nay, I disagree. I could go and ace a test on an empty stomach [if i wanted to, that is].
I was entirely stressed and I wasn't prepared well enough. and we had been waiting hours at a stretch. But that reason seems unreasonable as my debate partner had been waiting just as much.
Whatever the reason, one week or more after that and I'm still feeling bad, ashamed, depressed and most of all--guilty.
Right.
I let down a lot of expectations. We could have actually won that competition. As easy as anything. If I hadn't muddled it all up. Well, my friend was quite perfect. But I fumbled and didn't fire back properly and forgot how much good I'd been at this and even reached the finals last year........before THAT controversy and we couldn't make it as the winners.

Anyways, what's most important is that I haven't gotten over it, even though my team mate was so generous and forgiving. Crap! I can't help feeling ashamed for that fiasco.

Wannabe do-gooder

Everyone wants to do good. Most remain dreamers hoping to do something right, but never really doing anything.
And some take that courageous step ahead and shout out their protest,
"No! What's happening in my country just isn't right. I love my country and I just won't let anyone abuse my land. I just can't bear seeing all the wrong and remain silent."

And what happens?
Impediments all the way through.
Everyone's out and about to stop you from doing any sort of honest service to the country.

twisted.torn.exasperated.depressed

[continuing on the last post]
...And what happens when none of your hard work shows?
You end up not being your usual best,
Disappoint everyone who had lots of expectations pinned on you,
/because-
[either the long wait took a toll on you,
or
you were just too confident and didn't bother to be better prepared]/

And all that's left are broken expectations, hopes, mortification.
None of that bombarding with rhetoric you'd hoped to cash in on.
* * * * * *

Neither do you win for the film review which you wrote so well.

A thanks and about working too hard

This is to thank that very delightful friend, Nishi for that gorgeous header image.
Thank you! a helluva lot!!

On the other side, I'm having a mad time. Got chosen along with a friend to represent the college at the inter university level debate competition. Ah! I'm not that bad then,huh?
Problem is, whenever I'm assigned to work on something, I overdo it. The hard work I mean.

Here I am, the lazy bum who won't move from her place if she can help it-goes into transition mode whenever the moment calls for it.
Like when it was time to work on the research paper, I overexerted myself to the point of depression and fatigue.
Pssst, that's a secret I've guarded from the family and friends as a whole. Who would want a maniac around them?
I give up on sleep, fun and everything then and oscillate between extreme slothing and over-exerting. To the point of depression. It hurts, people. Like, one point comes when you are completely exhausted and you just sit and- cry or do weird things that's totally unlike me. Definitely embarrassing to be airing these facts in here, but I just needed to get this secret out of me.

But in the end, no matter what the end result is, I like the satisfaction I get from the perseverance and hard work I put in.
Sounds mighty weird coming from a uber-lazy person like me.
But it just goes to show I'm not what I seem!