Tuesday, April 24, 2012

That negativity-inspiring-muse

 To you,
With loathing and
Wishful thinking
(Since I'll probably never say this aloud).

Time goes so slowly by
When I'm by your side.
And I just can't wait
for the moments together
to get over.

Every word you say is
Every thought of yours
-better off unsaid
And every single deed of yours
-makes you more tiresome for me.

Why did you have to happen to me?
Why you in my life?
The questions in my head
Annoy me like you.

Sick and tired of your faking
All I want is to stay away from your crazy.
What's the use of those smiles,
When every next word of yours is guaranteed to be lies.
        And when I see you be fake nice  again,
        I want the world to stop doing anything else...
And throw things at you.

You lie,
Don't even blink an eye,
Twist your words,
And not so much of guilt or regret in anyway.

Nothing about you works
the right way round.
You'd chat, lie, be mean
if that got you a win.

But when I try to bite back,
Not fight back,
Curb the bad feelings towards you?
     There you come shuffling in,
     with all that contagious negative vibes in tow-
              So immense they could ruin a whole continent
              So vile that I'm scared by mere proximity
              So manipulative that I want to scream and
                   want the world to know the truth of you.
              So false, it's bizarre no one notices.

I look at you,
and all I can think is
Doesn't matter what others think you are,
I know you for what you are-
and that's:
    Awful through-and-through
    Shame to my gender,
    Why, no principles whatsoever.

She thought you're just silly,
He thinks you're not much,
They think you're just a random normal somebody,
But only I can see that you're my personal nightmare-come-to-life.

What've you done to me,
Messing up a good girl's soul
Somehow trying to make me mean like you.
And I never hated on anyone,
Never ever badmouthed even the foulest person I knew.
   But you turned things round,
   Screwed my good life.

All I want is away from your drama

Friday, April 20, 2012

The long-overdue post. The brace-yourselves-for-the-next post

Anyaseyo all! (that's hello in Korean, duh. I just wanted to start off on a random and different note)

So! A post has been overdue and I've been frikkin' busy what with having the unique luck of being assigned to two departments in the same month. Which means, I'm working ALL the time since I gotta do the stuff in THIS department, and by the time I'm tired, it's lunch and post-lunch, work for the next department. Yay, life can be exhausting AND fun all at once. So obviously I like it when I'm working, ergo-no complaints. BUT! that also by default means that NO SLACK TIME for poor me. Draw in a sad face of me while you're at it.

Mostly, this post is a filler and to brace you for the next post, which is NOT gonna be an easy read. Why? I'm usually a happy-go-lucky person, never badmouths even the meanest kid 'round the block and generally my posts resonate with the wonderful things I'm going through. You can ignore the "bad day" posts of mine since they're rare and sad. Anyway, the next post is like- whaddayacallems?- urban poetry?
No rhyme to the poem, but lotsa reason.

It's about one of the only two persons I hate loathe on this world. That's intense and I didn't really want to blog about the way I'm feeling (nay,repressing) about the darkness emanated by said person. But then I realized, dayum, if I don't vent about it, I might die suffocated by all the bad thoughts and it's always better to share everything here. Where else could I do that?

To quote a drama,
"Share if it's good news, so that the happiness multiplies.
Share if it's bad news, so that the hurt/pain can be halved/lessened."
True that!

EDIT- I decided after posting this and ruminating quite a bit, that hating on someone no matter how hateful, just brings me down to their level. Not very helpful. So cheer me on about my new decision to just post the next post and I'mma try to get over the bad feelings and stay neutral (like my darling Riff told me to, yday) regarding everything hateful. Not gonna exert myself over something awful anymore people!